Balancing Work and Family Life

(*This reflection was initially written and posted on LinkedIn in 2016.)

This morning, I was ironing my shirt to wear to work when I asked my daughter, Kharisma whether she liked it. She responded affirmatively and proceeded to say that she liked pastors as well. I took the opportunity to ask her whether she would like to marry a pastor when she grows up and she quickly responded, “No, no, no, daddy. Pastors do too much work.” That was not necessarily an indictment on me, I believe, because I try to spend time with her and the rest of my family. However, it left an indelible mark on my memory.

Interestingly, I was actually ironing my clothes to prepare myself for a presentation on the topic “Balancing Work and Family Life” at a HEART Trust/NTA workshop that was designed to prepare young people for the workforce. I shared a number of tidbits of wisdom with the young persons that had them engrossed in the presentation. I do not claim to be the best at balancing work and family life, but I shared with them from my experience and reflection and from the experiences and ideas of others.

Among other things, I outlined the following implications of the topic:

1.  The topic assumes that balance is a good or desirable thing.
2.  Another assumption is that balance is possible and achievable. Whether or not it is possible is another matter.
3. Yet another assumption is that “work” and “family life” are significant aspects of human life.
4. A final assumption is that striking a balance between work and family life makes people more productive and fulfilled.

Balance has to do with equality, parity, and impartiality. It carries the idea of equal significance and emphasis. The word actually means “a situation in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.” It carries the idea that the diverse aspects of one’s life are inadequate (not necessarily equal or perfectly equal) proportion to each other.

Studs Terkel once noted that, “Work is about a search for daily meaning as well as daily bread, for recognition as well as cash, for endeavour rather than inertia, but above all -  for a sort of life.…” Does this description of work suggest that the dividing line between work and family life is blurred? It certainly seems that way to me and the line is actually disappearing in our world of global economic integration, international business, technological innovation, flexi work schedules, and telecommuting.

Another issue has to do with the meanings that people attach to money (for which they work) in our increasingly commodified world. To many people, “money answers all things” (Ecclesiastes 10:19). It enhances their self-esteem or self-worth. To them, the amount of money they have equals the value they attach to themselves. There are those persons who see in money power and security. Others think that money and love go hand in hand. We should remember that money could be and normally is at the foundation of many conflicts. As the Bible says, “The Love of money is the root of all kinds of evil” (1 Timothy 6:10).

What, therefore, should people do to try to strike the work-life balance? I would like to suggest ten actions as follows:

1.     Prioritize (your life). Ensure that you put first things first and work on them. Do not try to be all things to all men or outdo Superman while singing, “Superman ain’t got nothing on me.” You cannot do all things at the same time. That’s the definition of omnipotence, which eludes us all.

2.     Manage (your time). You have to learn to manage your time better. Reject procrastination and disorganization. Your time is too precious a commodity to waste. Use it wisely.

3.     Release (some things and people). It does not matter what you do or who you are, if you weren’t around, life would continue anyway. Let go some things (and people) and move forward. They are too toxic for you.

4.     Declutter (your life). This is a call to simplicity. Complexity might make you feel good and stroke your ego, but it hurts your health and family life. Do not clog your system with too much to think about and do.

5.     Collaborate (with others). Do not try to do everything alone. Enlist and mobilize family members and other significant persons in your life to assist you to share the load and get some tasks done. Collaboration never hurts.

6.     Make (time for yourself and your family). You must have heard the saying, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” This means that if you spent all of your time working, then you would become bored and boring. Your life is not about your work and your work is not your life.

7.     Find (a new job or career). You may need to change your job or even your career. Your job may not be the best fit for you within your career. Reassess and realign yourself to experience job fulfilment. If a total career change is required for a less stressful life, then it should be done.

8.     Focus (on your holistic health). If you are not healthy, you cannot work and you cannot contribute to family life. Your work should not make you unhealthy. If it does, you may need to recalibrate your priorities regarding your job. Your physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual health is important.

9.     Get (spiritually centred). What does this mean? It means you get in touch with your spiritual being and connect with your Source of life, love, and laughter.  It has to do with living life at soul level. It includes realizing that everything you do starts with you as a spiritual being and leads you to connect with your Source. In my case this Source is Jesus Christ.

      Enjoy (your life). You cannot allow stress and work pressure to overwhelm you to the extent that they squeeze your sense of happiness or joy out of you leaving you edgy, irritable, and “volcanic.” Take a break sometimes and laugh at life and even at yourself. After all, is said and done, you have just one life to live.

At the end of the day, work-life balance requires proportionate distribution of emphasis, time, and effort relative to the different aspects of one’s work and family life. You should seek to establish the appropriate balance that is right for you. Celebrate your successes, no matter how “small” they might be deemed to be, and use your failures as stepping stones to success. Never dwell on and magnify your failures; they would become invincible giants in your life. Remember that life is filled with processes and is itself a process. Therefore, balancing work and family life is also a process. Give yourself some space and time to get it right, nothing more or nothing less is required.